TheAsianCriticChick

Am I more Asian than a critic, or more critic than an Asian? It all started in December on a cold, cold night in Texas, in the most sheltered place I’ve ever had the pleasure of staying in.  Once BoJack said, “Chapter one. CHAPTER one…” I was sold.  Despite my complete ignorance of the current world of Hollywoo, I took this on and decided that I was really going to get into the essence of what this show is, which I’m sorry to say, many people, BoJack fans included, probably don’t get.  Though I didn’t get to expand on Princess Carolyn’s urban German bourbon blurbing, as I explained to PlutoBurns, every word in this half hour review (by far my longest) has been uttered with purpose.  I cannot say this about any of my other reviews– I gave it everything I had because it sincerely deserved my full attention.  My hopes are that this show will gain much more respect despite its overwrought-ness, verbosity, and its general lack of ability to portray an Asian female correctly.  It’s not perfect, yes, but its deeper message is indisputable, which I applaud over and over again.  Here’s my heart, people.  Eat of my flesh and drink of my blood. Boxer vs. Raptor!  Na-na-na-na-na-na!

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The ACC – A Shitty, Shitty, Shitty, Shitty Christmas

Thanks to Jack SkyBlue’s urging, this became a reality.  Wrote this at 4 to 5 am-ish as I was preparing to leave for Dallas Fort Worth airport and return to HI, in the probably the most sheltered household I’ve ever had the pleasure of staying in.  This is admittedly “12 Pains of Christmas” inspired, but instead I’ve chosen to butcher “Carol of the Bells”; while I like the tune, my complete ignorance of the lyrics has made it far easier.  20 Christmas cards and one broken wine glass later, here we are.  Ding dong, ding dong.

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The ASS Reviews – Rick and Morty

Holy shit.  I feel like I’m going to get crucified for admitting to not being a raving foaming-at-the-mouth fan for this show.  Especially by the szechwan sauce martyrs who will probably demand for my head on a plate with szechwan sauce drizzled on it.  But my cousin requested that this show be reviewed and four months later, here we are.  This one intrigued me and annoyed me in ways that I wasn’t anticipating.  This highly overrated show got a bit of a reality check from me, but at the same time, a whole lotta praise.  I did my best with this one, folks.  I gave it everything I got and didn’t hold back.  This was made mainly for the truly smart, insightful fans of Rick and Morty, not the dumb assholes who only remember the catchphrases and nothing else.  Yes, I’m a 100% positive that Justin Roiland voices BOTH Rick and Morty.  Now who wants to get schwifty with me?

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The Asian Critic Chick – Fresh Off the Boat

THANK YOU, GOD.  I’VE FINALLY DONE IT.  What people think is a revolution is to me a fucking abomination.  We live in a very sick and stupid world, folks, and unfortunately roughly 50% of those people are Asian, hence this show’s sickening success.  I beat my own record in regards to length; I spend a full half hour ridiculing my own narcissistic race and shitting on a show that makes me almost wish that I wasn’t Asian.  Every time I see even a few seconds of this show I grumble.  Loudly.  In consequence, editing this video was a pretty damn noisy experience as you could practically hear me going, “UUUUGH!” every few minutes.  Millions of people are gonna hate me for this, and that is exactly what I want.  You can’t undo this.  It’s already been done, Asian bitches.  Wake the fuck up and drink the bitter juice called truth– our Asian American generation is unequivocally fucked.

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The ASS Reviews – The Boondocks

My longest video to date, and the impossible happened– I’m actually quite proud of this one.  I’m a fucking Asian chick and I just reviewed an African American show that I had absolutely no business watching.  I said what I felt needed to be said, took some risks, and came up with a final product that I hope empowers rather than offends.  A good day for the ACC.  All my black homies rejoice.

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The ASS Reviews – Bob’s Burgers

Four frickin’ months of BB.   Such a hard review to write, but it had to be done.  No review ended up further from the script than this one.  THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT BEFORE CHRISTMAS!  (Hence the Mary and Jesus joke) Damn food service job.  But interestingly, my thoughts about Bob’s Burgers parallel my exact feelings about working food service– some days I love it and some days I hate it.  I basically picked this review off from a dirty floor, washed it, dried it, re-seasoned it, and gave it to you on a plate, but what else could I do?  Have a good evening, sirs, and enjoy what I worked so fucking hard to make for you.

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