Audio Abominations #17 – Worst Songs of 2015

Audio Abominations #17 – Worst Songs of 2015
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Disclaimer: I hate having post my content this way, as I really wanted to show you guys my opinion of why I hated these songs. But since YouTube and Dailymotion rejected my content, my files were too big for Vimeo, and I already deleted my videos from my computer to save disc space, the least I can do I post the script I used for the original review here. Just pretend my voice is reading it and go with the flow. I apologize for this and thank you for your time and patience.

Folks I don’t want to do this. I really don’t.

Not because of the overall state of pop music. In fact, I’d argue that 2015 is actually one of the best years in pop music we’ve had recently.

I think the main reason I don’t want to make a worst list is because much of the truly bad stuff really wasn’t that bad. Eh, regardless we’re counting down.

The Top 15 Worst Hit Songs of 2015.

Number 15

Looking back at some of the returning entries from 2014’s chart, many of the songs I hated last year I found are actually starting to grow on me.

There is… however, one song from last year’s chart that I actually still don’t like.

That song is Animals. It’s actually become laughable at how Adam Levine is trying to present himself as creepy when the lyrics he’s singing are hard to take seriously. But… it can’t get worse than this, right? Right?

#15. Sugar by Maroon 5

I know a lot of my colleagues actually like this song, but I don’t. I never did. I hated it upon first listen and I still hate it to this very day.

By this point it’s become much harder to become disappointed in Maroon 5’s music anymore as their only purpose in life is to get worse and worse with each passing year, and this song annoyed me right from the start.

The main factor that annoys me the most about this song is Adam Levine’s singing voice. During the chorus, he attempts this falsetto and it’s really annoying to the ears.

My personal recommendation is boot Adam Levine out, make P.J. Morton the new lead singer and turn Maroon 5 into an awesome funk band.

And the lyrics during the verse are pretty pathetic.

This song expects me to believe Adam Levine would be the victim of a broken heart when in reality, he looks like the type of person to do the heartbreaking.

What next? Is there going to be a song where a former Disney teen heartthrob mentions he’s justified to be jealous when he sees his girl looking at other guys?

#14. Jealous by Nick Jonas

You’ve got to be kidding me! Really America? You let this happen?

The problem with this song would mainly come from the lyrics. For one, many of them are poorly written.

No joke. At one point in the song Nick rhymes “hellish” with jealous.

The second problem with the song’s lyrics is that they portray an extremely ugly sentiment. This ugly sentiment makes it okay for Nick to be a complete douchebag because he doesn’t want his girl looking at other guys.

Now, Nick’s music would eventually get better as the year went on, but Jealous was a pretty bad first impression of Nick’s solo career as well as a new low from someone who used to be part of a Disney rock-group.

Yeah, I bet you do, asshole.

Number 13

All right. Let’s play a game I call how long before these morons contradict themselves.

#13. No Type by Rae Sremmurd

Two lines ladies and gentlemen. Two lines into this song regarding how they don’t have a preference of woman they actually like and the next line that literally comes out of Swae Lee’s mouth is a contradiction to that first sentence.

In a world where hip hop is not only evolving, but improving to the point where even some of the worst artists in the genre are making miracles happen, Rae Sremmurd ranks up there as some of the worst new talents in modern rap only slightly above Young Thug.

Not to mention that these two morons have the attention span of gold fish on crack.

They mention that they don’t have a type of woman they like, contradict themsevles, and when the verses come, they completely forget about the topic of the chorus. It’s almost as if that chorus was thrown in at the last minute to get people to buy the song as otherwise no one would buy brag rap song about subject you’ve heard before number over 9000 produced by a someone who’s production is less inspired day after day.

Producer Mike WiLL Made-It’s career is basically on life support by this point, and when the day Rae Sremmurd fade into irrelevance finally comes, I hope they take him with them.

Number 12.

#12. Nasty Freestyle by T-Wayne

I’ll make this quick as I have nothing really to interesting to say about this song. Everything about this song sounds amateurish. Amateurish rapping, amateurish lyrics, and amateurish production that T-Wayne stole.

A five-year-old who knows nothing about rap music could make a better rap song than this.

Number 11.

If I already know what it is, why are you telling me?

#11. Watch Me by Silentó

The only reason why this song barely missed the top 10 worst is because I have so little to say about it.

Honestly, there’s nothing more I can say about this song that hasn’t been said by the rest of the internet. Silentó’s vocals are weak and childish, the beat is loud and obnoxious, and the lyrics are just Silentó stealing dance moves from other artists and telling people to do it. Though I still don’t get the names of the dances though.

Whip? Nae Nae? Whip? Nae Nae? What? Are you beating a horse or something?

I mean I know now that those are obviously the names of the dance moves in the song, but for most casual listeners who don’t know what the whip and the nae nae are, they’ll think that animal abuse is taking place. So, not only is modern rap music telling me that incest is okay…

I swear to God I will never forgive Drake for that line.

… but now the genre is saying animal abuse is not only okay, but is something for us to look at someone doing? Seriously, the lines in the song are watch me whip, watch me nae nae. Silentó is asking us to watch him beat a horse.

Do people even stanky leg anymore? All Silentó did was take dance crazes that no one liked five years ago, and re-introduced them into this song.

Thankfully, this song never hit number one and Silentó will never be heard from ever agai-

(clip of Dessert by Dawin ft. Silentó)

Son of a bitch.

Number 10.

#10. Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh) by Rich Homie Quan

Okay. What the fuck is this? Seriously, what in the holy mother of hell am I listening to?

One of the major problems of this song is because Rich Homie Quan uses autotune to sing rather than actually rap, as doing the latter requires actual effort, he comes across as incomprehensible. It’s also because of how incomprehensible he sounds, that I have a hard time hearing what he’s saying. Most of the only parts of the song I can here are Quan going Ooh, ooh, ooh, and trust me, the sound of Rich Homie Quan getting a blow job is the last thing I want to hear on these types of songs.

The beat also choppy and obnoxious as is the standard for most Nu-crunk songs, but why this song annoys me so much is a mystery to me.

When I finally can understand Rich Homie Quan, the lyrics are what I’d expect from a song like this, mainly tell haters not to mess with you despite a few of them having legit criticisms.

Guess what Quan, consider me another of your haters. Your rap flow is choppy, your beats make my ears bleed, and your lyrics are uninspired and are something I can get from any other glam-rapper on the hot 100. Your presence on these charts is not need.

Number 9.

A little background before we get to one of the only entry in the bottom 10 that isn’t a hip hop song.

When I first heard See You Again, I was actually blown away at how amazed the song really was. It’s a song that actually proves how good Wiz Khalifa can be when actually tries. One of the major things that blew me away about the song was the featured artist Charlie Puth. When I first heard it, I was like, “Holy shit! This is amazing. I wish this dude would have an actual charting career of his own.”

Kids, this is why you should never wish upon a shooting star.

#9. Marvin Gaye by Charlie Puth ft. Meghan Trainor

Meghan Trainor’s singing voice is the only good thing about this song.

Where do I even begin? How about at the beginning where Charlie’s opening lines ruin any chance of this song actually being good? How about the smugness that’s heard in Charlie’s voice throughout the song’s entirety? How about the gang vocals that are heard in the background during Meghan Trainor’s verse?

As bad as the lyrics of Dear Future Husband was, mainly with the lyrics about with a dated attitude towards relationships were, the song’s production at least sounded great enough that I could at least recognize it as an actual song. This song, has no excuse for being both this unlistenable and this stupid.

Sex songs + gang vocals = big no no.

How about the lyrics during Meghan Trainor’s verse, particularly when she compares herself to a dog? How about the fact that this is the whitest and least sexy song about sex to ever be recorded ever since Afternoon Delight? To make that last fact even more painful, maybe I should add that a month before Marvin Gaye was released to the general public, Charlie helped co-write Slow Motion. I don’t like Trey Songz’s music, but that’s easily his best song to date, and Charlie was responsible for the lyrics in that song.

The point I’m trying to make is that, Charlie knows how to write lyrics about sex better than this and to see him wasting his talent is sickening.

Number 8.

This is I Don’t Want You Back by Eamon. It is easily one of the worst hit songs of 2004 with Eamon’s pathetic vocals and the fact that it’s mainly just a swear fest.

Would any of you actually believe me if I told you there was a rap equivalent of that song?

#8. I Don’t Fuck with You by Big Sean ft. E-40

As much as I hate on DJ Mustard’s production, his production is the least of my problems with the song. The problem I have with this song is how the loathsomeness of Big Sean is portrayed. Most of the song is him bragging to his buddies that he dumped the object of his desire.

Throughout the song, Sean sounds like a colicky crybaby with most of the chorus being yelled instead of rapped, repeats phrases to the point where they get annoying, and uses childish and immature ways to insult his girl.

If you’re not, then why are you answering your phone telling this girl you’re not. So really, you’re actually not over this girl so you need to pretend you are by being a complete douchebag.

The only parts of the song that are worthwhile take place between take place between 2 minutes and 17 seconds to three minutes and five seconds.

Yeah, the lyrics still aren’t great but E-40’s voice is a welcome change of pace to the song. It’s just a shame he had to waste his talent on shit like this.

Number 7.

At one point, I said that Take Your Time by Sam Huntym would be the entry that would end up on this list. Turns out, I hadn’t yet discovered the worst fish to fry regarding 2015 country music, but now I almost did.

#7. Kick the Dust Up by Luke Bryan

Now this song was not my go to pick for worst country song of the year, but since Crash and Burn literally crashed and burned on the Hot 100, this song will have to do.

I was never a Luke Bryan fan, but I will admit that on Country Girl and That’s My Kind of Night, he at least sounded like he was trying. Here he sounds like he’s giving up. It’s like someone who doesn’t want to perform this song, being force to perform the song against their will.

Also, the production sounds hard to listen to. There something about it that just sounds wrong. The song sounds more like a horror song rather than a party song.

Bottom line, if you refuse to care about what you’re singing about, don’t expect me to care about this listening to it.

Number 6.

In the late 2000s, Ne-Yo was one of the few R&B acts to actually have class, especially in a pool of douche&B acts like Ray J, and Chris Brown.

Recently, however, it’s almost become hard to tell.

#6. She Knows by Ne-Yo ft. Juicy J

This is easily my pick for most disappointing song of the year, if only for the fact I know that Ne-Yo’s music is better than this and to see him sell out with a song like this is painful.

Let’s put it this way. Juicy J has a verse, and regardless of its quality, it still ends up being the best part of the song.

The beat sounds too dark to be enjoyed in a club, and while Ne-Yo still sounds great, he is saying lyrics nobody wants to hear from him.

Also, I think someone decided that Aaliyah’s music was so influential that adding the baby sound effect from Are You That Somebody was a good idea.

I don’t know what’s happened with Dr. Luke, but recently his music has done nothing but continued to earn my contempt with bad song after bad song.

Ne-Yo, go back to your smooth roots. Dr. Luke, go away.

Number 5.

#5. Hit the Quan by iLoveMemphis

Here’s a tip, rappers. Yelling your lyrics doesn’t make me take you anymore seriously. Quite the opposite actual.

Also, what’s a quan and why do you want me to hit it?

If you’re referring to the dancefloor, one why didn’t you just say that and two who would want to dance to this? The beat is loud, obnoxious and too dark too dance too.

If you’re referring to a person, then I’m sorry, but I do not want to get arrested for assault. As much as I hated Rich Homie Quan’s song, I’m not going to go out of my way just to hit him for making that song.
I don’t know who this song is supposed to appeal to as it’s too dark to dance too, Memphis’s vocals are too loud, and getting down low and swinging our arms is a lazy dance move if you are actually referring to the dance floor.

Basically, it has no purpose for existing.

Number 4.

#4. 7/11 by Beyoncé

I don’t think I ever want to drink another slurpee ever again.

The reason why I have 7/11 as my pick for worst R&B song of the entire year over She Knows, is that while I stand by everything I said in the latter, I could at least still recognize the person singing the song as Ne-Yo. I can’t even tell you who is singing the song.

I mean yeah the credits say 7/11 by Beyoncé, but because of the choppy flow heard throughout the song, this is the least Beyoncé has sounded like herself.

This song emphasizes what Beyoncé at her worst can sound like. The flow feels choppy and maybe even autotuned, the trap production is unlistenable, and the lyrics are so repetitive that as soon as you’ve heard the first line of the song, you’ve heard the entire thing.

This is tops Diva as the worst thing Beyoncé was ever involved with, and for me to say that is a huge surprise.

Number 3.

You know the old expression, one, two, three strikes you’re out of the old ball game? Well, for Nicki Minaj leading up to her release of Pinkprint, this was strike 3.

#3. Only by Nicki Minaj ft. Drake, Lil Wayne & Chris Brown

Have I mentioned that I hate Dr. Luke now? Because I do.

This song is easily Luke’s worst production of his entire career and considering this same producer also worked with 2010 era Ke$ha, that should tell you something.

It’s just the same bleeps and bloops. They never stop. They just keep going.

Much of the lyrics in these songs come in the form of bad punchlines. And considering this a song about how all of the rappers are bragging about wanting to have sex with Nicki, that’s not good.

Nicki at one point in the song has a clever punchline…

… only to ruin it by explaining it to us.

This is easily the worst performance Drake ever did throughout the entirety of his career.

It sounds like he’s bragging to his bros about looking at Nicki Minaj’s tits.

Lil Wayne sounds bored to be here and is only here because of contractual obligations to Cash Money Records.

Oh, yeah and uh… Chris Brown is on it here.

His hook comes across as genuinely creepy and a piece of shit.

Overall, I hate this song with every fiber of my being and I hereby consider this song the worst thing these artists have ever been involved with… well all of them except Chris Brown of course.

Number 2.

Did anyone want Loyal part 2? No? Too bad because they made one.

#2. Ayo by Chris Brown & Tyga

Chris Brown’s contribution is really annoying. When he’s singing this song, much he is forced to extend the end syllable of each line. His lyrics are completely stupid and at some points in the song absolutely sexist.

Also Brown, you still can’t rap so stop trying.

The beat is so awful I’m surprised that it was produced by somebody that wasn’t Bangladesh.

Tyga is basically telling us he only cares about making money.

Dude, at least pretend to have artistic integrity.

So this is a song by Chris Brown and his bitch with obnoxious vocals, a rap beat that sounds like it came straight out of hell, and Tyga not even bothering to care. The only real question is, what could top it? Before we find out, let’s take a look at some songs that just missed the cut.

Bitch Better Have My Money by Rihanna

Despite Rihanna’s loud obnoxious vocals and that awful trap beat, this song wasn’t interest enough to for me to mention on the list.

Take Your Time by Sam Hunt

The only thing that prevents this song from ending up on the list is that Sam Hunt’s music, for better or worse, is at least interesting and he knows how to pull off that creepy douchebag at a bar vibe. Granted this is a vibe that no one wants to feel but I have to give props where props are due.

Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor

Now before you jab those pitchforks into my neck, hear me out.

As much as I hate this song, I actually did find a redeeming quality here. The beat itself is actually really good. Insultingly good. I’d actually argue that if the lyrics were better written then this would’ve easily been the best display of Meghan Trainor’s doo-wop style of music as she’s actually really good at it.

And by better written lyrics, I meant lyrics that didn’t harken back to dated attitudes towards dating.

Stitches by Shawn Mendes

I actually see great potential for Shawn Mendes in the future as he is actually a surprisingly good singer. Just leave the song-writing to somebody that isn’t Teddy Geiger next time please.

Worth It by Fifth Harmony ft. Kid Ink

Boring girl group song with a talk dirty-esque beat and a pointless cameo from Kid Ink. So pointless that I actually had to remind James Koloko of its existence in his worst songs of 2015 list.

See also GDFR by Flo Rida ft. Gas Pedal, Gas Pedal, Gas Pedal and horns of hell.

Tuesday by iLoveMakonnen ft. Drake

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Classic Man by Jidenna ft. Roman GianArthur

A boring Fancy rip off that has been decreed by some as the neckbeard anthem. It’s so bland and lifeless that it makes me want to apologize to Fancy.

Truffle Butter by Nicki Minaj ft. Drake & Lil Wayne

I’m not going to waste my time reinforcing why I still hate this song. Just know that it’s a song by Nicki Minaj with lyrics from the guest rappers that piss me off from a moral stand point. The highlights being Wayne comparing a woman to a vacuum cleaner and Drake saying he can make two stepsisters commit incest.

And finally, anything Fetty Wap was associated with.

Even though I hate nu-crunk and Fetty’s music, I do have to admit that Fetty himself has some sort of charm to him that I can’t bring myself to hate him, at least not too much.

Now let’s end this.

Number 1.

Three things about my number one pick and special thanks to Thomasmemorycentral for pointing these out.

#1. Post to Be by Omarion ft. Chris Brown & Omarion

First thing is that this is a I will steal your girlfriend from you type of song. These are the types of songs modern R&B acts are known for sing. If that’s the case, why is there a female artist on the track?

Second thing. When Chris Brown first steps up to the microphone, his voice sounds similar to that of Tyga. I’m not sure if anyone else can here as Tyga is basically the rap equivalence of Chris Brown, but it’s just something I noticed.

Finally, harkening back to James Kaloko’s initial review for the song, Jhene Aiko’s musical background is aimed towards being more soulful. She’s the last person I’d expect to be the steal your man type. If they wanted a female artist someone on the song, couldn’t Nicki Minaj be bothered to show up?

Bottom line, I hate everything about this song. The DJ Mustard production is awful as usual, the autotune on the vocals of the male singers sounds like complete shit, Jhene Aiko does not deserve to be on this song, and overall, I hate that this is what modern R&B music has been reduced to, being club songs with obnoxious club beats, earsnail like choruses, sexist lyrics and the biggest sin of all, taking a female vocalist with a beautiful voice and dumbing her down for mainstream appeal.

Douchebags like these are going to keep on making these songs and the American public is going to keep eating it up… like groceries. I’m 94SideKick, and let’s just say that it’s songs like this that make me have a bias against modern hip hop music. I’m out.

Special thanks go out to Thomasmemorycentral for the points for number one, James Kaloko for both his initial review of Post to Be and including me in part 1 of his worst list, bbomg02 for making Truffle Butter #1 on her worst list and William Deaver of the Knights of Broadway for having a good majority of these songs that made my actual list in a section entitled Worst Songs of the 2010s and for convincing me not to put Dear Future Husband on the actual list.

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