Thanks to Jack SkyBlue’s urging, this became a reality. Wrote this at 4 to 5 am-ish as I was preparing to leave for Dallas Fort Worth airport and return to HI, in the probably the most sheltered household I’ve ever had the pleasure of staying in. This is admittedly “12 Pains of Christmas” inspired, but instead I’ve chosen to butcher “Carol of the Bells”; while I like the tune, my complete ignorance of the lyrics has made it far easier. 20 Christmas cards and one broken wine glass later, here we are. Ding dong, ding dong.